I drove and drove and drove. Two, three, maybe four hours melted by. My mind raced back and forth and then back again -in circles, triangles and every direction it could possibly go. I felt as if I had burst out of a thick bubble that I had been entrapped in my entire life. The worst part was that I didn’t even know I was in it. I finally was thinking about what I wanted and not what everyone else wanted for me. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but one thing I was absolutely positive of was I wasn’t going back. If I went back, I may get trapped in the bubble again and possibly never surface. I was terrified of getting swallowed back up in the belly and the film would be too thick for me to realize I was in it once again. No. I couldn’t let that happen.
I found a bank and withdrew my entire account. The teller just stared at me like I was some kid trying to steal. The account was my personal fund I had saved since I was little. My parents were going to take their names of it once I turned 18, which would be next month. I had saved every penny in that account -Birthdays, Christmas’s, chores, part time jobs and little things earned here and there. I had saved a total of $10,000 and I wasn’t about to let my parents take it back.
I sat on the bench outside of the bank for almost an hour.
I needed to figure out what I wanted in life without any influences around me. I needed to be alone, I needed to explore myself and who I really was and what I really wanted. I needed to live. I needed … I wanted … I wasn’t sure. How could I figure out anything if I hadn’t really experienced anything? I needed to have real experiences so I could figure out what I wanted out of my life. I couldn’t think of anything worse than living a predictable, society approved life and always wondering what if? Yes, perhaps marriage and kids was something I’d enjoy, but maybe not. How would I know otherwise?
What was I supposed to do to figure that out other than NOT going back home?
As soon as that thought entered my head a couple walked past me and I couldn’t help but hear them discussing their trip they were about to go on.
That was it.
Was it a sign? I needed to literally get away.
By myself with my own thoughts.
Away from everything and everyone and I needed to do it NOW. Not next week. Not next year. Not planned out. I had to do it now. It was the only thing that made sense.
I got back in my car and drove until I was too exhausted to drive anymore.